Living and loving life!

So, my last post explained what has preoccupied my life lately..........or rather who! I have since then been sick w/the flu or something. Stayed home from work yesterday and today. Fever yesterday was 103 and is now finally back to normal. Whatever it was, it felt like hell! But Chris took care of me and I am feeling human again.

I expected comments but I was not prepared for the rudest and most selfish phone call that resulted from the information posted.

So I am at work, for the 14th day in a row when my cell phone rings. I carry it with me in my pocket at work so I don't miss call since that's my main phone. Anyway it happened to be Paul. He seemed a little taken back that I had answered the phone, and truthfully, when I say it was him, I hesitated to pick the phone up. But my curiosity got the better of me and I picked up. He proceeds to launch into this self-centered diatribe telling me that I should have called him regarding my new relationship with Chris. I told him I didn't think it was any of his business in the hopes that he would stop pestering me. But, of course, that failed miserably.

Right after I broke things back a couple of months ago, he posted his profile onto Yahoo personals again. Didn't bother me except the fact that my friends found his profile and were the ones to tell me what he was doing. So, I called him on the carpet out of it. He was backpedaling quicker than the shrew in The Wizard of Oz! Gave me every excuse as to why he did it and it basically was that I had pushed him into it! OK, I didn't hold a gun to his head, therefore, it was completely his decision. So, I proceeded to tell him that he had made me feel horrible about breaking up but that I now knew it was the right thing to do.

Basically my beef with the whole fucked up situation with him is that we never spenct time together. For the two months we went out he only once took me to dinner or anything else that people that are dating do. Look, I'm a low maintenance person and am very understaning but when someone refuses to spend time with me and expects there to be a relationship, gotta say, they have another thing coming.

I am incredibly patient and tolerant to what's going on in another person's life that sometimes I put up with a great deal more than was necessary and then I can tolerate. And, after discussing crap and you institively know that the other person is not even willing to meet you 1/2 way then it's time to cut your losses. Bottom line is pretty much this....I have spent more time with Chris in one week than in 2 months with Paul. And essentially, it is that and other things that make me certain that I have made the right decison.

Life hands you tests and challenges, but it is what you do with those in the long run that really count. I have learned that life is too short to waste your love on people who won't or can't reciprocate................or to settle. So, while its unfortunate that someone got hurt, but that was never my intent. And, besides, its a wonderful thing when you have someone in your life who can make you laugh instead of make you second-guess yourself!

What's new

So, what's new with me? Well, a lot! First of all, the main reason I have not been able to post of late is due to the fact that I have someone new in my life. Well, it isn't that new since we just celebrated one month together since our first date.

His name is Chris. Not the other Chris, a new one! He and I just happen to work together and we went out for drinks one night after work and the rest is history.

We have kept ourselves busy with work and lots of play. I posted the pic (which probably won't show knowing the problems I have had with posting pics on here) of his bike......Yamaha R1. And let me tell ya, we have had a blast so far on it. I have been on it more than a few times including popping wheelies (he's driving of course) going over the Roosevelt Bridge and reaching (I think this is the top speed we've gone so far) of 150 mph. What a rush........both this new relationship as well as coming home after a kick ass ride.

It has been years since I have been on a bike but Chris is a phenomenal rider. He has been riding all his life so I had no trepidation getting behind him and holding on! Our last ride was a little tame with no wheelies. He just got glasses and that really changes how you ride. I wasn't used to his head moving as much as it did and that night, it had rained on our way to the bar and even when it stopped, it was still so humid, we could barely see out of our helmets.

Anyway, obviously, there is much more to us than the bike. A lot more. It started as just hanging out for drinks after a long day at the Nissan slave ship (j/k). We both were not looking for anything serious and we were completely caught off guard when we fell for one another like a ton of bricks.

I used to always say I would never date anyone I worked with. Teaches me to not use the words "always" and "never" because as soon as they come out of my mouth, I can pretty much bet that I will end up eating them in one way or another. However, working together and in completely separate departments, we made sure we weren't breaking any rules but we do keep things professional at work due to the ridiculous amount of gossip that circulates around the dealership. Put a bunch of people together with a lot of down time and that's what happens. And we decided very early on that we don't prefer to be the story on everyone's lips. Although most know, they may occasionally tease, but the comments have been kept to a minimum.

I prefer not to disclose the details of our relationship (no I just won't share everything!) but sufficed to say, things are absolutely wonderful. As I mentioned neither one of us was looking for anything and we just started this as friends but I think that was probably a good thing. The effortless way in which we have connected and continue to connect is pretty astonishing and surprises us every day.

I have a pic of him but it's from the first date we had and it's on my cell phone and we all know how reliable those pics are when I try posting. So for now, you will have to wait! Next weekend, he is going racing up in GA and will be taking my camera so I should have some great pics of him on the track and off.

He had to leave early this morning for work and then had an errand to run that took him away from work and me for the remainder of the evening. So, that's probably why I am posting at 2 am since this is the first night we have spent apart.

As for the motorcyle, I am planning on taking the course to get my bike endorsement for my driver's lic. so I can drive as well. Chris said he would even take the beginner's course with me and I thought that was cool since he is very far from a beginner. So, I will update you when that happens. Should be a riot since, as I said, I haven't driven a bike in a long time. Grew up riding dirt bikes and ATV's but not street bikes.....which, by the way, are SO MUCH MORE FUN! Everytime I take off my helmet at the end of the night, I have this perma-smile from the pure adrenaline rush of the speed and the fun of it. Don't worry, we are very careful. He is incredibly careful when I am riding with him and I know he isn't going to do anything crazy with me on the back. Although we could do more wheelies, but one has to keep an eye out for the cops and the lovely snowbirds down here that freeze when even one bike passes them, never mind a few which is usually how we end up. It's a few of us going out and raising a little hell........in a good way! It's not like we can down a ton of drinks and then get back on a bike and expect to ride as safely as we can although I relax a bit after a few which makes Chris happy since I don't have a death grip on him then.......even when he taps me on my leg signaling it's wheelie time. Then I lean completely against his back, lock the fingers and enjoy the rush!

So, going to go back to bed since tomorrow is an early day and I need to catch up on sleep since I have been otherwise engaged!

More later!!!!

Hurricane Wilma

Well, I am hunkered down for Wilma which should be here by Monday morning. Time enough to stock up on liquor to tide me over until the power is back!
I'm boarded up and feel like a prisoner in my own home but being that my home is 95 years old and went through last season without a scratch, I feel safer here than anywhere else. But, I'm smart enough to have a getaway plan if I need one.
So, in the event I can't post, you can text or call my cell @ 772-240-5656. Thankfully I have a backup cell in the event the battery on my Razr runs out.
That's it for now......let's just hope and pray that we don't have anything more than a cat. 2 on our hands. My nerves can't take another three after last year!

Thursday!

I know, I am supposed to be posting my HNT submission for this week. However, I can't figure out why I can see the pics on my end on the blog but no one else can see them! Pisses me off!

Today I have to work 2-8 which is cool. So, in a minute I have to start getting ready since I'm a girl and I take entirely too long to prep for going to work! Pathetic, yes.....do I care?.......NO! Don't have to answer to anyone! How you like them apples?

I am feeling spunky today! That's a good thing!

So, I will continue to work on posting my HNT pic for today since I have been so lazy of late!

Later!

Long Time!!!

I know, I have been horribly slack in keeping up with my blog! Thanks, Chris, for continually reminding me how lazy I have become! :)

Anyhow, lots new, although a lot of it is pretty trite and not at all interesting to anyone except me.

It's Jen's Birthday today...........HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FLEMMIE!!!!!!!!!!

Here's to another 20 years of friendship! I love you like a sister!

My job is going well and I love the hours that I work and have acclimated to them and don't think I would want to EVER return to the 8-5 grind again! Nissan has spoiled me. That's a good thing.

Getting along with everyone at work well. We hang out a lot......being in the sales arena and with the pressure that goes along with that, we drink a lot! No worries, I am not turning into an alcoholic! Just having a good time getting out of the house and returning to having a social life once again. It's been a very long time since I have had a work environment where I even gave a rat's ass as to the people I work with so this is a great change of pace. Hard to believe it's been over a month!

Personal life.........let's not divulge anything there just yet. Don't want to jinx it. Let's just say that I'm happy and Life is keeping me on my toes, but I am enjoying every single minute of it! It's too short not to enjoy everything that is thrown your way.

I still haven't figured why I can't get my HNT pics (new ink) to show up. It has been a real thorn in my side. But, I am continuing to work on it. So, just be patient!

And, that's about it for now! Back in the blog driver's seat! Good to be back!

Monday HNT!!!!!!!!!!! AKA Tat 3

Well, it is finally done! Ziggy took this right after he finished (hence the lovely shade of red on my skin!). But, it ROCKS! Everyone that has seen it says it looks a million times better. FYI: the blue is water and the red/orange is rays of the sun. Ziggy did a rockin' job doing the stencil just from ideas we brainstormed and I am so happy how it turned out!

So, there it is in all it's glory! Now you can actually see it when I wear my jeans!

So, count this as my HNT submission, since I can't take a pictue of it by myself!

Friday at last...............

At the risk of sounding incredibly cheesy, TGIF! Today will be my 12th day in a row working and then tomorrow and I have Sunday off!

One of the people at work is having a party tomorrow night so that should provide much needed stress relief and alcohol!!

Then, on Sunday afternoon, I am going to my new ink man, Z., and he will be putting the additions to the first tattoo http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/7995/1330/1600/tatoo.jpg

so that I can make it a little more creative since I have come to the conclusion that it's a little on the small side! Not that I want to get something that covers my entire back, however, I would like it to be somewhat visible when I wear jeans!

I have to go into work 2 hours early today, but that isn't too bad considering I can use the hours!

So, I will update you on the party as well as my new and improved tattoo. The other one is healing great and no longer is sticking to anything I wear!

Later!!!

Happy HNT!

Yes, I realize that I already posted a pic of my new ink, however, this gives a little better perspective as to exactly where it is. And, if you can't tell, it's right along my bikini line!
Sorry for those of you expecting shots of ........well, you know! After all, it's HALF nekkid Thurs., not entirely nekkid Thurs.
And, as for what it is, it's my Pisces symbol w/tribal stuff. I'm also going in on Sunday to have the one on my back updated, so you can all see that when it's complete!

Ink, Part Deux

So, here is my second tattoo. I got it Friday evening after work, slightly on a whim, however, those of you who have kept up with my blog, you know that I have been waiting for the second one!
Everything else rocks now, so enjoy the pic!

Half Nekkid Thursday

OK, so it's nothing special........but until I get my next tattoo, I actually have to put thought into this! And, as you can see, I'm running out of ideas!

As for life, everything is wonderful and I'm having a good time at work.

I did get a chance to catch up on my zzzzzzz's and I was so dead last night, I missed Shumpy's call! DOH! And, he's planning a trip to my neck of the woods so there is a distinct chance that we will get to have a few adult beverages and meet in person. Tres cool, in my opinion!

Happy HNT, everyone!

For My Impatient Fans..........

I am so tired, my eyes are crossing! So, those of you who have been pestering me for updates as to my latest information, you shall have to wait since there is not update.

But, fear not! Tomorrow is Half Nekkid Thursday and I'm wondering how far I wanna go this week! :) Stay tuned........meanwhile, I'm gonna take a nap.

Love ya!!!!

New beginnings

In life there are many new beginnings just as there are sad, yet inevitable, endings. However, it is a testament to one's character as to how one weathers the changes Life throws one's way.

I have always considered myself a pretty (and almost disgustingly) resilient person. And, I guess this is no exception. However, I still feel like I'm being selfish and I never meant to hurt anyone, most of all P. but when you go around and around and don't get to a place where you can both meet halfway and both compromise, you have to come to your conclusions as best you can.

Admittedly, I probably am being a little more logical than I need to be regarding matters of the heart.....call it a defense mechanism, but this was certainly not my first relationship and I just know how things tend to pan out.

Anyway, enough of that....this is supposed to be about new beginnings....so, it's Monday. That's a new beginning. Also, this begins my real schedule at work which is cool. I am excited. Training was done last week so I'm relieved about that and feel confident in my job now to do it alone.

Also, can't wait until I get my next tat. Was temporarily pushed back thanks to losing a job and felt that it would be irresponsible for me to get a tattoo when I have bills! But, Hellofachick is back............look out, world!

OH, and GO 'NOLES! Ass whoopin' of the Citadel, beat Miami (am not even going to comment on that one!) so bring on Boston College! God, I love football! :)

What's a girl to do.............

I will tell you. A girl has to do what a girl has to do. So, the bottom line is this.........hard decisions have to be made in life. Nature of the beast.

Of late, more than a month, my relationship w/P has been one of two ships passing in the night. We have spent very little time together due to our conflicting schedules. And, now with my new job at Nissan, I have a schedule that is unlike one I have had for the past 10 years and I'm glad for it since I was burning out on the 8-5 grind. However, it made it even more difficult spending time with your significant other when the two of you have such conflicting schedules and no days off together. And, to be completely honest, I need more in a relationship. I need someone there. I need someone who is willing to do things with me, not only things he likes to do but things I like to do as well.

So, the decision was made to part as friends for now and see what the future brings. I deserve better than to be benched on the sidelines waiting for the coach to put me in. LIFE IS TOO SHORT!

Not an easy decision and I certainly didn't mean to hurt anyone but I'm afraid I have done that and I have to live with that. On the flip side, however, I am not new to the relationship business, esp. since I have been married before and not spending time with one another and growing together and experiencing life together eventually leads to two people growing in two directions instead of together and that's the kiss of death on any relationship, whether a lover, friend, or even family!

So, that's what's new in my ever-morphing life. I just roll with the punches.

I did get off my ass and cleaned out the hot tub today, however, I have to get a new heater so I will call a spa guy on Monday and see what I can get. The cheaper the better!

Well, that's it for now.

Updates @ 11............if I'm awake! :)

Fridays

You know, sometimes you try to have a conversation with someone to talk about some shit that has been revolving around in the back of your mind, however, when you get the chance to talk, by nature, the other person is ALWAYS going to be on the defensive and lash out verbally (God help them if they don't lash out only verbally!).
So, my point here? The above happened to me last night and I really had put a lot of thought into my approach, what my concerns were, what was important enough and what was splitting hairs, etc......kapish? However, it backfired and I don't honestly think that it was my fault, however, when certain responses were aimed my way, they were less than my intended reaction and I'm only human as well!
Anyway, where is this little ramble going? Don't know. Where are things standing at the moment, don't know. To be honest, as this is obviously a matter of a personal nature, I don't know if I'm coming or going!

Time is the ultimate equalizer so I'm sure this will resolve itself as it should. However, I suppose for now I should keep my mouth shut! Communication isn't all it is cracked up to be!

HNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, I totally slacked on my HNT submissions of late, so I made up for it by posting a little more skin than I usually would have! So, for your viewing pleasure, you get a lovely view of my thighs in all their glory! Trust me, this is probably a little more than HNT material, however, I'm not shy, so enjoy, and happy HNT!

First Day of School.......Well, Work

So, today is the big day. I'm looking forward to my first day of work. It's always a little nerve wracking starting a new job, but I'm completely up to the challenge and not to mention, EXCITED to get out of this house which has become a cage of sorts these past days and weeks.
Don't know how my day will be today, probably a lot of paperwork, and meeting people whose names I will most likely forget as soon as I hear it! Had enough jobs to know that my mind will most likely be completely bombarded with new info and will meltdown when I get home tonight!
Thankfully, this job is also VERY close to home. Less than a mile makes my wallet smile w/gas being as high as it is.
OK, enough for now. Have to pick an outfit out and we know how important that is! HA! :)

Finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am finally employed! Tomorrow is my first day at the Nissan dealership around the corner. I just received the offer from the owner.

To say it's been a tough time is putting too fine a point on it. So, I kept at it until I found something where I could feel more comofrtable.

My hours are a little different, but I think the change will do me good.

So, thank you all for your thoughts and good wishes! I will post more once I learn the details tomorrow.

Off to enjoy my last day as unemployed!

My heart cries............

I am so saddended at the situation in New Orleans and in other parts of the region so affected by Hurricane Katrina. I have stopped watching the television as I can't take the news and the images which literally rip my heart out of my chest. To me it is disgusting that in AMERICA, the country that you and I call home, we are like snails in getting aid to those who so desperately need it. I am embarassed to call myself an American.

I have family ties to New Orleans and the culture is one that cannot be found anywhere else on this planet. I have friends in the area and do no know how they are doing and if they are ok.

So, that's why I have not written on my blog for a while. I honestly couldn't and still cannot find the words to express my sadness and despair at this situation. I just thank God that I was as lucky as I was last year when the two hurricanes hit this area a few weeks apart from one another. Yes, I lost everything, but I have my life, health, family, friends, loved ones, etc. and the aid was here so quickly I can't even tell you.

Anyway, that's about all I have to say for now.

Hurricane Katrina?

Now, I understand hurricanes. Not only am I a Florida native and have been through MANY of them, I was here (obviously) last year and lost my home and most of my belongings to Hurricanes Frances and Jeanne. So, I don't apologize for the proceeding rant!

COME ON, PEOPLE! It's not even a Cat. 1 yet! It's a big, windy rainstorm that will most likely be more of a rainy inconvenience to your satellite and power than anything else. However, the shelves are empty in the stores, people are probably standing on corners bargaining their internal organs for generators right about now.

Now, I consider myself incredibly lucky. I won't lie, last year's storms that hit my home not once, but twice in a month (both Cat. 3 storms), ravaged not only my home but my nerves, tolerance level, and patience in general. I look back on that and understand how people will get a little jumpy when a storm is coming. Long gone are the times when people would joke while buying as much beer as possible in addition to a couple of bags of ice for good measure......God forbid the beer gets warm! But, the news is now on 24 hour coverage on this and not only is it live and therefore, horrible, but they now have included the lovely SPANISH scrolling message at the bottom of the screen. As if to remind us that English is no longer the language of choice for America.

So, I am planning on relaxing, watching something else on the satellite while I still have a signal and sleep. I do intend on drinking, after all, I wouldn't be a proper redneck girl if I didn't.

Which brings me to a completely different story, yet the segway will be apparent when you read this.

As you know, I accepted a job offer from Walgreen's as a Pharmacy Tech. I went to the lab place for my obligatory "pee in a cup while they treat you like a criminal" drug test. So, I'm sitting there in the back, waiting for my name to be called and this FINE specimen of a man sits next to me. I think he may have had 5 whole teeth in his mouth. God only knows where the others went and he looked a little rough around the edges. He leans over to me and with the stench of alcohol dripping off of him he asks me, "Do they test for alkeehol?". I smiled and tried to be polite and stated that I didn't know. He then proceeds to comment that he has been drinking all morning and that he's there for his pre-employment drug screen to be a PROFESSIONAL DRIVER.........Sweet Mother of Jesus! Made a mental note to memorize his face in the event I should ever "accidentally" run into this lovely caricature of a redneck if ever there was one.

So, that was my morning, and now.........let the resting commence! Again, in the event I lose power, I will post when I can. Until then, drinks are on the house!

Whew!

The verdict is in..................I HAVE A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a difficult choice between the first one - cubicle, more $, no room to grow or doing what I wanted to do, less $ to start, lots of room to grow, awesome benefits and working in the pharmacy again! So, tomorrow is the drug test and I was offered and accepted the job with Walgreens as a Pharmacy Tech! I get to wear my scrubs to work (no fretting over what to wear!) and I'm so glad that this debacle is over!

Thank you to everyone who sent me your good wishes and helped. I couldn't have done it without my support network! :)

I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders!

Now we are getting either a Trop. Storm or Hurricane....already under a Trop. Storm Warning. Landfall should be early Friday morning so I need to make a liquor run! After last year and having sat through two category 3 storms, this cat. 1 is a walk in the park! Katrina....fancy name for a silly rainstorm! We need the rain, however, not the 24" they are predicting!

Anyhoo, in the event I can't post due to power outtage, I will be checking email via cell phone!

For now, however, I'm going to rest and thank God that I have a job finally!

Don't want to jinx it.......

So, I have two scheduled interviews for tomorrow. Don't want to jinx anything, however, have good feelings about them. Had another scheduled, but they cancelled on me at the last minute (tonight after 6, thank you, idiots! I didn't want to work there anyway....no benefits!).
Keep the good vibes coming my way, keep fingers crossed, whatever works!
Thanks, Shump, for the sweet comment! You kicked ass in helping me w/my resume and making it fit! I appreciate your help more than you can imagine!
Not much else going on at the moment, so I will update tomorrow when I am finished interviewing! :)

I'm still standing......

I am posting to let everyone know I'm still here and a great deal better than my last post!

Starting to get responses from my resume and that's something that definitely bolsters my self-esteem! Thank you to all of you who have taken the time to remind me to keep my chin up and that this is just a blessing in disguise!

Since I'm posting nice and early in the morning, it's off to bed for me again. Don't know why I keep waking up, however, I sense that once this stress is behind me, I will be sleeping soundly again!

Will keep you up to date as to what's going on with my interviews (scheduled for Wed.) and how I feel like they went.

Half Nekkid Thursday

So, it's nothing special........just my foot! Unfortunately, it's not the submission I wanted since extenuating (i.e. shitty) circumstances prevented me from obtaining my tattoo, but I will still be getting it, just a matter of being a little more patient!

Danger lurking beneath the surface

Where to begin............not easy. So, I will just dive in and give a tad bit of history so perhaps someone out there can make sense of the events of the past 24 hours.

Work has been particularly horrific of late. I know they have not been happy with the fact that I have had events affecting my personal life, health, etc. that have caused me to be out a couple of days. The diagnosis of COPD, my back problem, the car accident...............all events completely out of my control.

Anyway, I was at my regular monthly doctor appointment for the degenerating disc in my back and I was in the process of speaking to the nurse and my cell phone rang. It was obnoxiously loud so I immediately grabbed it to silence it as well as to see who was calling. It was work. I answered the phone and immediately said, "Could I please call you right back? I am in with the doctor at the moment.". It was my boss and he ignored this request and proceeded to speak and tell me who it was. (As if I didn't know............dur) I said hi and stated that I would be back in the office in probably a half hour. This statement was quickly answered with him (boss/jackass) stating, "Don't bother. We don't need your type working here anymore."!

"Holy shit!", was the only thing that was going around in my head while he kept speaking, informing me that my services were no longer needed and that I no longer had a job to return to. I actually was in such disbelief as to what I was hearing that I turned to the nurse and told her that I was in the process of being fired over the phone! I reminded my boss that I have been sick lately, accident, bla bla bla......trying to reason with him (don't know what I thought that was going to do) and all he could say to me was, "I know, but that doesn't matter."..............then the anger and severity of it set in and I began to cry. I hate it when I cry when I get angry and I lose all ability to communicate effectively. I did, however, manage to ask whether they would contest any unemployment claim filed on my behalf. He said no and said I could pick up my things today. I thanked him (why, I have no idea) and hung up.

I was nearing hysterical status at this point and sobbing in front of the nurse who was just as shocked as I was as to what had just transpired during a phone call that lasted approximately 3 minutes.

I honestly can say that I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me as well as the rug yanked from under my feet. I could not comprehend that this was just the icing on the shit cake that has been my steady diet over the past 4 weeks.

When things like this happen to me, I immediately kick into my crisis mode and start thinking about where to go from this point and how to regain control of my life, which has become nothing resembling a life where one has control, sanity, safety, all of the things you feel when things are going on as usual.

The nurse had to leave me at this point to get my prescriptions signed and to try and get the nurse practitioner in to see me so we could talk about my car accident to see if it has made my back worse, etc. and so I made friends with the box of one-ply tissues and continued to try and regain composure.

And that brings me to where I am now.........unemployed and still in shock, however, trying to pick myself up and dust myself off.

I have been complaining about the status of my job for quite a while now since I made less than I should have been making considering my regular responsibilities and the new ones that have popped up since I started working there. Also, there were no benefits whatsoever so I have gone without insurance for a long time and that has been a financial disaster for me, considering I have a few things wrong w/me that require regular medication and it ain't cheap! I've become a penny-pinching senior citizen by calling every pharmacy and pricing my prescriptions before purchasing them so I can get the lowest price. For instance, for only two (generic) rx's, I spent over $150 yesterday! It's ridiculous.

But, I digress........

Current game plan is to take the remainder of the week and get back on my feet emotionally and mentally. Then, it's time to hit the pavement, the internet, call everyone I know and try to find out what's out there for me and get right back in the game.

So, that's life. Really bites right now, but, as they say, you are never given more than you can handle........however, on some level, I beg to differ! Enough is enough! Give me just a little bit of a break, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

Anyhoo, this is probably the most long-winded entry to date and it's not even something that even merits a spot on my humble little blog site! More later...........didn't sleep much at all last night and I'm completely exhausted but don't want to get on some weird sleep schedule only to have to go back to the normal one once I'm employed again. I'll post more later, until then, thanks to everyone I have talked to, IM'd, emailed, etc. and for your positive thoughts. You have all helped me keep my chin up and to know that this isn't the end of the road, just a small speedbump along the way.

Total disappointment........

I bites to the nth degree. I hung out down in the Jensen area until 7:15 yesterday waiting for time to get my ink fix. I'm literally on the way to the studio........the cell phone rings........it's Roger from the studio........sorry, can't fit ya in! Can't fit me in? What? I had an appointment! For the love of God, man, do you not understand? And, turns out he's booked for the next couple of weeks so I have to wait. Asshole. Not happy. But what's a girl to do? *sniff*

So wanted that tattoo........still plan on getting it! Perhaps I need to change my ink people! So, I am not happy today.

All that yakking about it and building of expectations and now this...........the worst kind of letdown!

Don't shoot me!

Ink is a go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Word to my peeps at InkLink! I knew they would hook a girl up! How can they resist my charm....and boobs don't hurt, either!
So, Roger, my main ink man, is cleaning up my pathetic attempt at art and I think the Celtic knot in the middle of the clover will be a little larger so it's easier to work with! I totally trust him so I know it will look fabulous when it's done! Don't worry, the official unveiling will be tomorrow, however, for my peeps, you will probably get the email earlier! So, my impatience has paid off! Always better to take care of these things in person!
Now, back to shredding..................oh the humanity (not to mention the hellish boredom!). At least it's a job!

Waiting......

So, I'm eagerly awaiting the return phone call from Roger, the tattoo guy, to tell me whether he wants to fit me in today after work! Keep fingers crossed for me since I hate waiting! He said he would call me back w/i the hour and let me know if I need to come down to show him what I want, etc. and go from there. I hate waiting!
I'm also getting fed up w/dealing with these insurance people. At least I have the comfort of knowing that my company is slightly looking out for my best interest, however, regardless of what the other company says, I know they could give a rat's ass! And, obviously, the horse's arse of a woman who BACKED INTO ME AT AN INTERSECTION could care less as well since she won't even return her own insurance company's phone calls! Pathetic, if you ask me!
So, back to work for me and that's not bad. Would be better if I knew that I had my fabulous new tattoo to look forward to, but one must be patient (not one of my strong suits!).
Weekend was great, albeit relatively uneventful. Yesterday and last night I was over at Paul's parents....his brother is in town (and the airline lost their baggage, however, he got it before the reveling was over!). We talked, ate, drank way too much and I think I got home around 10-ish and passed out after quickly chugging a bottle of water in the hopes that I would not wake up with a wicked hangover! Victory is mine! No hangover to be found and I awoke this morning ready to greet......ok, enough bullshit! :) I woke up groggy, just like every morning, counting the endless minutes until the coffee was ready, didn't feel like a shower (I showered last night, thank you very much!), and dragged on my tres comfortable black drawstring pants and a probably-too-casual-for-work shirt, and off to work I went.
I will most likely post later as to my ink status and whether it's a go or if the launch must be scratched! So, later, kids!

Weekend ramblings

So, as I'm leaving work on Thursday, I was backed into while waiting to turn by an asshole of a woman and, needless to say, my car is damaged, as am I. I am healing since it was just a little muscle strain and my car will be healed by a body shop. However, my irritation lies in the fact that she (horses arse who hit me) didn't want to even call the police, never mind report this to her insurance company! I told her it wasn't her choice to call the cops since I was going to need a police report in order to have my car repaired, etc. and that without a police report, no one would have anything repaired, whether metal or person! I actually had a few seconds right after she hit me where I was already standing outside of my car and thought she was not going to stop! I was ready to write her license plate down! But, she eventually made her way out of her SUV and actually asked me if I had damage to my car. My more than irritated reply to this woman was, "Duh, you backed your behemoth of a vehicle onto the hood of mine, of course there is damage!". Idiot. She made me want to start smoking again I was so irritated. You gotta love how they apparently give a driver's license to anyone in this state, including the terrorists involved in 9/11.....they literally lived in our backyard! Yay, State of Florida!
I stayed home from work on Friday because when I woke up, I felt like I had been run over by a large tractor. I am feeling much better and the Percocets they gave me are actually making me feel worse! I feel like I have had way too much to drink and the nausea on top of that isn't helping me! So, I'm not taking any more. Ick.
There is nothing on television to occupy my mind and I don't quite feel up to cleaning the house so I will most likely save those unenviable chores for tomorrow along w/laundry, etc.
Also, Paul's brother, Craig, is arriving tomorrow from Boston and we have dinner scheduled at his parents house! So this will be great! I get to meet another part of his family! Also, Paul has Friday AND Saturday of next week off! I can't believe it! Two days in a row and on the weekend to boot! ROCK!
Well, I have nothing else I can think of to post currently, so that's it for now. Don't cry.........I'll be back! Not going anywhere, not me!

"What is HNT?", you ask....................

Even though I'm new to this whole nekkid biz, actually not new, but you get my drift! I thought I would school those of you not in the know as to the roots of this blog-nomenon!
Click on the title of this post and you will be transported to Os' site where, in great detail, you will find the Mecca for HNT-ers! So, check it out and spread the word!
And, thanks to all the kick-ass people that actually checked me out! Feel free to put me on your blogroll......and ink is always good! Addict, you are too cool! See two posts down for the newest addition which will (cross fingers) be done Monday! And, of course, it will most likely be next week's HNT entry!

Half Nekkid Thursday....

This is my very first (yes, I'm a virgin to HNT!) submission for public viewing! I know I have posted the pic of my ink in the past, however, once I read the rules, I realized that I could, indeed, post another pic of my very lower back with my tattoo that was only a few hours old (just a youngin') and have it qualify! HNT rocks! :)

More ink.....

So, as many of you probably know, I am now getting another (and last) tattoo. I put a pic of it here so you can see (not to scale, I'm not that good!) and this one will be in front since I can't put something else on my back without looking trashy!
I think it came out ok with my less-than-perfect photoshop skills.....at least they will have more to work with than they did last time! That was a faxed copy, no lie, and it still rocked when I saw it finished!
So, I think Monday is the day and I'm totally excited! :) And of course, I will post the actual product once it is complete and unveiled to the world, via my silly little site! Let me know what ya'll think!

Holiday Alert!!!!!!!!!!!

For those of you who don't want to miss out on anything, Shumpy has just informed me that it is National Underwear Day! I have included the link for those of you curious enough to check it out!
Thank you, Shump, for the FYI! What would I do without ya?

(click on the title of the post to get to the site!)

Humpday......heh heh heh

So, it's Wednesday and this week has been horribly slow with El Boss Man on vacation! And, it's summer still and our business won't really get back into the swing of it until the snowbirds (gasp) return! Just shoot me now, is how I look at it!
Anyway, my point was that it is so hard to motivate oneself to get out of bed in the morning when A) you can't seem to crawl out from my nest and actually put effort into putting on work clothes and B) knowing that the next 8 or 9 hours will be devoted to surfing the internet, listening to my iPod, drinking copious amounts of caffeine and dreading the fact that on top of all that, I'm suffering from PMS! Loverly, ain't it?
And, T-Mobile has dropped a few notches in my opinion. I'm supposed to be getting my Bluetooth headset from them and this mysterious corporate person is supposed to call me regarding it, etc. However, after having to contact them three times yesterday, I have still not gotten a return call and I'm pissed! They should know better than to incur the wrath of moi when it comes to things like DECENT CUSTOMER SERVICE! Arses, the lot of 'em.
Well, I shall let you go and return to the lives you actually lead while I sit here eating Twizzlers, drinking coffee, and wondering why it feels as though the troll from the Billy Goat's Gruff has taken up residence in my ovaries.
Enjoy!

PS-Dinner last night was SO incredible. Eggplant, and turkey (ground) with awesome sauce, damn, that was good! And, the ever better part is that I have leftovers for lunch! :)

Tuesday's with myself

So, it's Tuesday and that means two things, boredom at work and lethargy in general. Also, Jen has finagled me to join the fantasy football league she has formed. So, this should be entertaining with us being the football fanatics that we are and also give us something to do during those long days at work when we don't have that much to do! Brilliant idea, Jen!
I am now stuffed from eating lunch and ready for a nice nap. However, I don't think that would go over very well here at work!
Sorry today's post is not very exciting, I'm telling you, it's the Tuesday thing.....just sucks the life right out of ya!
Probably will post later!

FSU's 2005 Schedule..............

I linked to FSU's new schedule for the 2005 season! Now, all you assholes who think the ACC is a pu$$y conference, take a look at that schedule.......and, for our SEC fanatics out there, you are not the only ones with a playoff in the south now! How 'bout them apples???
As you can tell, I'm a freak for my college football........now I need a diabolical plan to convert Paul to an FSU fan....my work is cut out for me!
Go 'Noles!

As if I needed this.......

So, apparently, I'm a dorky goth type according to this silly quiz site I unearthed. I also thought it brave of myself to put those lovey characterizations on this site.......oh dear, what have I done?
I'm sure the comments shall come rolling in any minute now!
Bring it on!

FRIDAY!!!!!! (and I'm in love....)

Yes, I realize that the title of this post is the lamest ever. I promise I shan't do it again!
And, I'm realizing that even though this color will look great on the black background, I'm going blind attempting to compose this!(not to mention how many times I've had to edit my horrible typos!) Eeek!
I have to give props to T-Mobile who has hooked me, yes, little old me, up with an awesome deal. Over the past two months, I have had to return 5, YES FIVE, phones due to problems. So, with that on my account, I apparently qualify for the "you have bad tech luck" discount and shall be receiving by fabulously wonderful Motorola Razr in a few days and the price I got, well, let's just say it ROCKS! I love T-Mobile. They certainly made my day yesterday. So, only a few more days of having to deal with this dropping calls BS that has plagued me for what seems an eternity.
And, I admit that the phone, which looks fantastic, was what I wanted, I just never dreamed that I would actually get it! I am a tech gadget snob and I always want the newest and coolest thing out there....and now I will have a new toy!
My boss is out today which means I am relegated to a day of counting the minutes and watching the clock, not to mention surfing the net! What would we do without it? Let that one be the question for the day!
Later, kids!

Finally! *whew*

I finally called the dr. back and my test is normal which means that I will have a pretty normal life with the exception of being best friends with my nebulizer 5 times a day which kind of puts the kibash on stuff like going somewhere for a long time in the car since I have to plug the damn thing in! Technology.......with everything they have a gadget for, you would think that they would have something a little more mobile.
Anyway, I don't have the alpha-1 definciency and that's about all I have to say right now! Needless to say, I'm relieved beyond words.

Thursday's Child

So, I am anxiously awaiting a call from my dr.'s office as to the results of my alpha-1 deficiency test conducted at the Univ. of Florida. I emailed UF and they kindly let me know that my test is complete and that my dr. was mailed the results on Monday. However, when calling the dr., they haven't received it. But, the great people at UF said they would be happy to fax the results to my dr. and then I could call and receive them.
To say I'm anxious is the understatement of the year. This one test will determine a lot of things and, most importantly, the quality of my life from here on out. I have waited for two long weeks already and don't want to wait until my next appointment which is more than a week away.
So, where am I going with this? Well, first of all, I share a lot of things with my friends, but I keep a lot inside as well....such as my fears about the test results, the diagnosis, the treatment options, and things like that. It's not that I don't want to share them, it's that I have learned that few people understand one's true fears when facing something of this magnitude. Another example of this would be when I had a lump in my breast, yet told no one about it, not even my family because A) it only worries them and B) everyone deals with these things their own way and yet they love to dish out advice to you as to how you should not worry and how everything is always going to be just peachy; you get the idea. Now, don't get the impression that I enjoy or even participate in wallowing in my own misery. Quite the opposite. I simply don't like the unknown because my own imagination as to what the future will bring is ultimately worse than any test diagnosis, so the truth, for me, really does set me free - not to mention allows me to regain my sanity.
Sure, I have challenges on a daily basis just like everyone does. You don't escape this life without the little speed bumps that life throws in your path. However, at 32, I have learned the best way for me to deal with them and would simply like the support and respect of being allowed to let my feelings run their course until I do have a concrete diagnosis. I afford that to my friends and I don't think it's selfish to expect that in return. Now, if I feel that wallowing and self-pity are occurring and it's becoming damaging, I will say something as a friend concerned for another. That's normal and to be expected. However, I have not exhibited any of this behavior, in fact, I think I have taken it pretty well considering the things I do know to this point.
To conclude, I suppose I can see both sides of the coin, however, I'm continuing to live my life to the best of my ability, despite the bigger than normal speed bump that has popped up but there is a lot more to go and more answers to get in order for me to formulate a strategy of dealing with this that works best for me and those around me. So, some breathing room is good (no pun intended) and the support of everyone is even better, however, if you see me wallowing (not worrying, since that comes with the territory, guys!) feel free to kick me in the arse and let me know how you feel, otherwise, just your love and support is the best medicine in the world!

Mr. and Mrs. Moore.......

I had to post this picture of Jen and Terry at their wedding since it was my favorite one and it reminds me most of the two of them.

Wednesday's and Mid-Terms

I am now in the middle of not only the week, but Paul's mid-terms in culinary school. School tends to try my patience much less than the horrible job he has but it works with his schedule, so.....what's one to do? I smile and thank God that I have someone as wonderful as Paul in my life and look forward to our future when we don't have the little irritants like school and work to bog us down.
He has one test today which I'm sure he will ace. He is paranoid about ruining his 4.0 GPA and I don't blame him. I hope that soon he can find something more along the lines of working in pastry and using what he's learning on a daily basis.
Ahh....to dream, though. That's all easier said than done. But, it doesn't stop me from being the biggest cheerleader for him that I possibly can be.
Dinner with P's parents last night was great! Max, the kitten, stole the show with the exception of Frank's fabulous Chinese dinner! Combined with good drinks and great conversation, one couldn't ask for a better night out! And, I have Saturday (pizza night!) to look forward to.
Life is good......c'est si bon! Vive le appetite and stretchy pants! Eeeew.....that sounded kind of icky, that last part! Strike it from the record!

Tuesday morning....

Why do Tuesdays seem to suck more than Mondays? 'Tis a mystery to me! And one that I have no intestinal fortitude to work on anytime soon. So, that means the question will remain unanswered and I will just have to live with that!
Ahhh....Tuesday and Wednesday mean that Paul doesn't have to work today or tomorrow. Technically, this should place me in a better mood. However, since I'm a woman and prone to changing said mood whenever I feel like it, I shall remain in my "blah" mood! I do have dinner with his parents to look forward to! Will be good to sit with a relatively normal family and enjoy one another's company!
Paul's brother, Craig and his friend are supposed to be visiting from Boston this month so it shall be interesting to meet one of his siblings. Although I know they are not that much alike. Joyce can shed more light on this one! Feel free to comment, Joyce! :)
I decided to do today's entry in this loverly lavender color as I think it will be striking against the black background.....of course, I'm wrong a lot! So, we shall see.
Work has been strangely uneventful today and yet that provides little comfort on the "happy with job" scale! Why is that?
Oh well, hopefully, Jen M. has had a chance to peruse my blog and can give me some more creative tips! Jen C. has vanished, I suspect from overwork from running two businesses! Mental note to self: check out website and see what's new there!
Alright, my pretties, nothing too exciting, since, it is after all, a Tuesday and I wouldn't want to get your expectations up over a simple Tuesday. Check out my mood indicator and that may sum it up for ya!
Later........if you are lucky!

Goose Rocks Beach and Kennebunkport Mentioned in NY Times....

Now, this is the way life is supposed to be and they way I remember it.....now all the freaks will be checking out our little corner of paradise, Goose Rocks Beack since it was just mentioned in the NY Times (sidenote, all of the things mentioned, I have done and enjoyed immensely......as I remember!)

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Subject: Goose Rocks in NY Times

Gents, Hope the summer is going well. Not sure if you saw it but Goose Rocks made the NY Times last week. The email is attached below. If you skim through it, you will notice I added a little bonus paragraph at the end. I'll be back in Boston as of Friday (8/5) and should be able to get up to Maine anytime, week or weekend. Let me know if you guys plan to hit the beach at all over the next few months and I'll plan on being up there.
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July 29, 2005

Kennebunkport, Me.

By KIMBERLY RIDLEY

THERE'S more to Kennebunkport than pricey shops and hordes of George and Barbara Bush watchers gawking through binoculars at their Walker's Point compound. Exploring by foot, bike and boat reveals this old coastal town's enduring charms. It has been a seasonal destination since the end of the last Ice Age, when Indians fished there and hunted on coastal plains. Europeans later fished the region's rich waters, and the area was incorporated by Massachusetts

http://travel2.nytimes.com/top/features/travel/destinations/unitedstates/massachusetts/?inline=nyt-geo

as Cape Porpus in 1653. In the early 1800's, shipbuilding boomed on the Kennebunk River, and by the late 1800's, well-heeled summer people were building grand cottages along Ocean Avenue. Their descendants tend to keep to themselves, but you can occasionally glimpse them as they dismount large S.U.V.'s for an early morning tennis match or a round of golf.

Friday

4 p.m.

1) Drinks, Roses and Sea Spray

What better way to get into the Kennebunkport mood than by having a late-afternoon gin and tonic? You can order one at the venerable Colony Hotel (140 Ocean Avenue, 207-967-3331), (HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE STAYED HERE, HAD DINNER HERE, LUNCH BY THE POOL, ETC....THEY EVEN USED IT IN THAT HBO MINI SERIES "EMPIRE FALLS") a sprawling, white early 20th-century affair, and stake out a table on the poolside terrace to savor the breeze, the perennial beds and the sweeping views of ocean. Afterward, skip stones on Colony Beach and watch fishermen on the jetty. Then wander down Ocean Avenue, which follows the Kennebunk River and winds around the rocky shore, where wild rugosa roses bloom in profusion above crashing surf. If wind and tide are right, look for spectacular plumes of sea spray at Blowing Cave and Spouting Rock. (I MISS SPOUTING ROCK....USED TO SULK THERE DURING MY TEENAGE YEARS WHEN MADE TO STAY AT THE COLONY WITH THOSE THAT I THOUGHT NEEDED TO BE EMBALMED INSTEAD OF SPOKEN TO......HOW I WISH I HAD TAKEN THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW THOSE GREAT PEOPLE MORE...THE STORIES THEY HAD TO TELL!)

7 p.m.

2) A Fancy Fish Shack

Stripers Waterside Restaurant - at the Breakwater Inn & Hotel (131-133 Ocean Avenue, 207-967-5333) and formerly called Stripers Fish Shack - serves seafood so fresh it doesn't need to be sauced to death. Start with a Pimm's Cup No. 1 ($6.50) and a half-dozen oysters (market price) and proceed to a grilled halibut steak ($22.50) served with "mushy peas" (fresh peas lightly mashed with cream and mint) and Stripers fries. With windows that overlook the Atlantic and the Kennebunk River, and a well-groomed crowd in khakis, it feels more like a nice sun porch than a shack.

Saturday

9:30 a.m.

3) Bike to the Beach

You need a sticker to park at local beaches (NOT THAT THAT STOPS PEOPLE!) but not if you're riding a bike. Rent one at Cape-Able Bike Shop (83 Arundel Road, 207-967-4382) and pedal the back roads northeast to Goose Rocks Beach, about 11 miles round trip. Rentals are $20 for a day or $15 for a half-day. Goose Rocks, a two-and-a-half-mile stretch of sugary sand, is worth the effort because it is much less crowded than the Kennebunk beaches. Plop down on your blanket and watch seals lounging on the ledges and terns dive-bombing the waves for little fish.>>1:30 p.m.

4) Down-Home Down East

Pedal back toward central Kennebunkport via Mills Road-Route 9 into Cape Porpoise, a classic fishing village with lobster boats and yachts moored off long piers and jumbles of wooden fish houses, some of which have been converted into cottages. Stop for lunch at the Wayfarer (2 Pier Road, Cape Porpoise; 207-967-8961), a down-home place where patrons can still be heard dropping their R's. The buttery fish chowder ($3.95 a cup) is lush with fresh haddock and red potatoes. Also good is the fish sandwich ($8.25) slathered with lemon dill mayonnaise.

3 p.m.

5) Time Travel

The History Center of Kennebunkport (125-135 North Street, 207-967-2751) offers a self-guided walking-tour map ($4) of historic homes, which includes fine specimens of Colonial, Greek Revival, Federal and Victorian architecture. The highlight: the Nott House

http://travel2.nytimes.com/top/features/travel/destinations/unitedstates/maine/?inline=nyt-geo

an 1853 Greek Revival mansion with massive Doric columns and original finishes right down to the hand-painted French wallpaper in the front hallway, which still holds its arresting greens thanks to the arsenic used to make it in the mid-19th century. Don't miss the meticulously restored Victorian garden that wraps around the house with its allée bordered by lilacs that runs down to a mill pond. (Don't forget the Lord Mansion, a beautiful period home that has been turned into luxury accomodations for the well-heeled tourists who overrun Kennebunkport during the summer months!)

4 p.m.
6) Shop Crawl

Head for Dock Square, where former homes and 18th-century warehouses are now packed with shops, galleries and antiques dealers. Stop at Beneath the Willow (10 Ocean Avenue, Second Floor; 207-967-2423) to stock up on handmade guest soaps scented with essential oils and wrapped in handmade paper. A few doors down, the Kennebunk Book Port (10 Dock Square, 207-967-3815) occupies the loft of a 1775 rum warehouse and offers a solid collection of books about Maine.

8 p.m.
7) Moonlight on the Water

The Cape Arundel Inn (208 Ocean Avenue, 207-967-2125) occupies a grand Shingle Style cottage built in 1895 with views of the wide open Atlantic right across the road. The old Kennebunkport crowd, sporting blue blazers, big jewelry and vintage Chanel, hangs here, and you're likely to overhear phrases like "I almost sailed off without my purse!" Flickering candle lamps and a piano player who obliges your requests for jazz ballads add to the aura of moonlight sparkling on the water. The menu offers subtle twists on regional fare like grilled fillet of salmon crowned with a brunoise of vine-ripened tomatoes, fresh basil and sea salt served with roasted fingerling potatoes ($27.50). Keep your eyes open for a couple of empty wicker chairs on the porch after dinner.

Sunday 10 a.m.

8) The Lily of the Mohawks In the late 1940's, Lithuanian Franciscans bought an estate on the Kennebunk River and established St. Anthony's Franciscan Monastery (28 Beach Avenue, Kennebunk; 207-967-2011), about 60 acres of serene grounds, a guesthouse and a short, lovely trail that winds through the woods across the river from Dock Square. Follow the trail to the end, where St. Kateri Tekakwitha (1656-1680), "The Lily of the Mohawks," presides over a peaceful grove of oaks. Wilted bouquets of wildflowers adorn the white painted concrete statue of the saint, who wears a fringed dress and clutches a cross over her chest.

11 a.m.

9) A Two-Hour Tour

Sailing on the Schooner Eleanor (Arundel Wharf Restaurant docks, Ocean Avenue; 207-967-8809) makes you almost pity the people in Hinckley Picnic Boats zipping frenetically over the waves. Captain Rich Woodman, who built the 55-foot gaff-rigged schooner with a crew of local boat builders, takes passengers out for a blissful two-hour sail for $38 a person. From Eleanor's spacious decks, you can watch lobstermen haul their traps and scan the water for scoters, gannets and other seabirds as you sail along Cape Arundel and Cape Porpoise.

1:30 p.m.

10) A Perfect Lobster Roll

The Clam Shack (OH MY GOD, a personal fave!) (on the Kennebunk River Bridge at 2 Western Avenue, 207-967-2560) serves the most unadulterated lobster roll around ($13.50): the meat of a one-pound lobster topped with a bit of mayonnaise or doused in drawn butter (or both!) and tucked into a toasted bun. Order at the take-out window of this teeny shack perched at the river's edge and use the bridge railing for a table. Keep an eye on the gulls, which watch hungrily from the rocks. (They have been known to take your entire dinner right out from under your watchful eyes!)

10:00 PM

11) Bon Fire and Beast Lite

And for the perfect weekend, we saved the best for last. Head down to Goose Rocks Beach for an old fashioned bon fire. Enjoy commentary from local loonies like Crazy Man Flynn (personal friend of Hellofachick's!) and a night cap, or 24, of warm Beast Lite. Be sure to piss out the fire when your done and head home to pass out in front of a Simpson's rerun with American Chop Suey dripping down your chest.

Maine - the way life should be..........Amen!

(Additional commentary by moi!)
___________________________________________
I should add that a great deal of my fondest memories take place on Goose Rocks Beach and Kennebunkport. Between the chlidhood friendships forged over sandcastles and curfews, to the stolen moments in later years making out on the fringes of a bonfire (three sheets to the wind, I might add!) and other things that shall go unmentioned.....needless to say, with my brother and I being the fifth generation in our family spending our summers up in Maine, it is our second home and I've been away for far too long. Although, as the circle of life turns, most of our friends are now married and parents in their own rite. Wonder if they will let their kids get away with what we did?

Monday Mornings!

I am happy to be back at work this first day of August! Friday I felt horrible, both physically and mentally. However, with a little reflection over the weekend, I have gotten myself back on track. I have to keep going and keep my priorities like work and responsibilities of home-ownership in the forefront, otherwise I tend to get bogged down with the little stuff like this disease and letting that get to me is poison, as I have found out.
I know that I have a lot of people praying and counting on me to be here for a long time so I can't let them, or myself, down. I have a lot of living left to do, and though some of it may be a little restricted at times, I'm not going anywhere and intend to get back my joie de vivre.
So, look out because I'm back! Don't know where I went, but it felt like I took a little vacation from reality there for a bit. However, reality is alive and well as is my mental health!
Looking forward to dinner w/Paul's parents tomorrow night. We always have a wonderful time when we get together.
OH, Paul met my mother last night. Ick....to say the least. She is so cold and seems to hate anyone I introduce to her, regardless of sex. This isn't new, granted, however, it seems to be getting worse as the years pass. I feel bad for her. She is only a shell of the person she used to be and her highlight of her day is who she lunches with and who she gossips with and who is doing what, etc., to which my reply is usually, "I could care less, Mom!". And, I could! Who cares about such petty shit, honestly. I wish she could bring herself to find more joy in life, but she can't and that's just sad. I have done what I can, but you can bring a horse to water, but you can't make it drink! That's exactly what she needs, a drink to loosen her up a little. The rod up her ass is so embedded that Paul even mentioned her cold demeanor and she has no reason to act that way. She didn't use to be like that, and it's a shame. However, I can't control my parents anymore than they can control me. Just have to accept them for who they are, understand that, and avoid her at all costs! I don't need the negativity in my life! Honestly, neither does she, however, she has chosen the lonely life she now leads and I feel sad for that but can't change it. She made her decisions long ago and she is ultimately the one who has to live with them.
Happy Monday, everyone! Hope all had a good weekend!

I have the cure.......

I have come to the conclusion that in lieu of dealing with my illness (COPD), I will take up binge drinking (again, since that's what we did in college, right?). I figure I should add "liver failure" to my ever-growing list of ailments! What the hell? Carpe diem! (More like Carpe Drinkem'!).
Boy the sarcasm is as thick as the humidity today!

What a week.......

Still reeling from the news I received last Friday from the dr. I have tried to be as calm as possible about this pending what my dr. wants to do for treatment and have also researched the hell out of this thing I have. Some of it scares me and some of the information reassures me. The only thing I am absolutely sure of is that my life has completely changed since the news and will never go back to what it was before the words came out of the dr's mouth.

All the research I have read says that I can't have children.....that's a little sobering as well. Yep, the happy news just keeps pilin' on! Can't hardly keep the excitement in!

Paul has been wonderful. He hasn't left me alone since we found out and that has made me feel SO much better. I know this news isn't easy for anyone, especially my family and friends. But, knowing that I have the love and support from everyone is helping although I'm still awaiting test results that will determine what direction my treatment options of this thing will be.

And, I found out that I can't take a vacation in Sept. as I had planned. Oh well......I had gotten my hopes up on that one so it's my fault that I am disappointed. I should have known better! I will have to wait until the end of March next year. I can take the time off unpaid, but don't think that is a good idea since I have no clue as to what I will have to do with treatment of this. I wish I had a more concrete idea as to that since not knowing is worse for me than actually having the facts in front of me. I say this all the time, but my imagination is far worse than any reality could be. My mind spins out of control and I keep doing the "what if" dance inside of my head.

Enough of talking about that crap. I think about it all the time, certainly need to focus on something else in my blogs and be a little more positive! Will brainstorm on that idea and finish a few things clogging my desk up.........will continue later! Any ideas as to how I can keep my head above water during this trying time would be great!

Go, Discovery!!!

Congratulations to the crew of Discovery on a successful launch! It was truly a thing to see in the warm Florida morning sky as I stood in my front yard to watch the plumes of flame carry the orbiter to it's place in the sky. I didn't realize what a wonderful thing it was to be able to witness every lauch from Cape Canaveral being I live only two counties south of there. However, when I didn't live here and then moved back, I realized how lucky I have been to live where I do. I have seen strikingly beautiful night launches to the horrible Challenger explosion when I was in the 7th grade. All of it happens right here in my backyard.
Cool, huh??



(Photo courtesy of FOXNews.com)

Don't You Wonder??

Don' t you wonder what the hell is happening to our environment? Now, I'm no tree-huggin', armpit-hair-growin', granola-eatin' hippie here, however, there seems to me to be a bit of a vortex in the atmosphere above this little planet of ours! Here in FL, we are now receiving the remains of a sandstorm FROM AFRICA! For the love of all that is holy, doesn't anyone out there think this is ODD? Jeepers! "Stay inside, those of you with breathing problems may feel the effects of the sandstorm.....", and on and on they go on the news as if they are simply reporting on an accident tying up the on-ramp at Palm Beach Lakes Blvd. to northbound I95. Everyone just sits around calmly watching as earthquakes continue to occur on an almost daily basis in the Pacific Rim including the areas around Thailand and Indonesia that were decimated by the tsunami last year. The heat wave that is currently paralyzing the heartland of our country is completely out of character. People are actually dying because they have no air conditioning and are unfamiliar with heat like this. Here in FL, to us it's just another dog day of summer, but to those up north who are NOT used to heat indices above 115 degrees Fareinheit, this is a crisis of monumental proportions. The seas are rising....which to us Floridians means that in a few decades, that waterfront property we invested in will now be worth ABSOLUTELY NOTHING since it will be completely covered with water. We already have an abundance of water....so much so that we don't know what to do with it so we are dumping it back into the ocean (which is an entirely different rant....see archived blogs!).
Anyway, I am not so idealistic that I think that my little missive on the current weather crisis will have anything to do with anything. It may never be read by anyone other than me! But, at least I feel better having written it down, in the event that someone does stumble upon my little blog site and happens to feel compelled to read this entry and maybe, just maybe, would actually comment on something I wrote.....even if they disagree! At least I would have gotten one person to think about it.

Monday Morning!

Monday's aren't all that bad, in my humble opinion! Sometimes it's the little things that can put a smile on your face that will last all day! That is what my morning has been like thus far! Life is good!
Told my bosses about my diagnoses and my immediate supervisor was so great about it. Offered to talk to one of our underwriters about it and get me as much information on it as I can get! That is SO appreciated on this end. Why can't everyone be like that?
I'm going to take a week of vacation in September when Paul is off from this quarter in school. Even though we can't really go anywhere because of his work (and he will still be working), just being able to be available for us to spend as much time together as possible, even if we stay right here in the armpit of the Treasure Coast, is fine with me. I look forward to the future when we can go places together and see the world with one another, but for the time being, it's a vacation just being able to spend large chunks of time with one another! I'm not picky and I am infinitely happy with the time we do have with one another.
I should be working but I'm not so I think I will attempt to do something that appears as though I'm as busy as a beaver!
Will most likely post more later!

FInding out what is wrong........

So, yesterday I had a dr. appt. which was a direct result of having bronchitis last week. I've had asthma since I was a kid so to say I'm used to bronchitis, ER's, etc. is an understatement! But, no one had ever taken the second step and referred me to a specialist! DUR!!
Anyway, so I go to the pulmonologist yesterday. My mom was kind enough to accompany me since I have no insurance to pay for this kind of thing (thanks, work!) and the agreement was that if I go, she will pay. An agreement I was not going to pass up.
After about two hours, many tests, being stuck like a voodoo doll, the dr. comes in and says that not only do I have asthma but I have COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease)! (said very matter-of-factly as if he was mentioning that he wanted pizza for lunch!). I said basically nothing, but inside I'm thinking this is some disease that old people who smoke two packs a day and work in asbestos-filled buildings develop, certainly not a 32 year old woman! Then, the kicker, I'm to go home, prick my finger and fill out this blood test where I get to find out (and the winner is....) if I have a rare form of EMPHYSEMA that is genetic in nature! Well, let's just hurry home and get right to it! I can hardly wait for the results!
Well, being that I'm adopted, I have no clue as to what my medical history is. Back in the old days when I was adopted, the child did not come with this vital information and in order for me to get my paws on it, I would have to petiton the court to unseal my adoption records, etc. and then, there is no guarantee that I will get this information I am finding is incredibly important!
Needless to say, my mind is reeling at this point. But, what is a girl to do? So, I put the link to the American Lung Association onto this site because all of a sudden, it's become a very real entity to me. Not just something you see on television or you hear when they mention the Great American Smokeout, etc. This is now a resource that will most likely be invaluable, not only to me, but to my family who is having a little harder time digesting this new information.
So, I get to be hooked up to my new best friend, my nebulizer, FOUR TIMES DAILY! This should be interesting at work since I'm a very private person and don't intend to be sitting at my desk breathing in my medication so I can at least walk to my car when work is out without having my chest hurt and feel like I'm going to die from oxygen deficiency!
Well, that's the long and short-breathedness of it. Now you know. Don't you feel better? I certainly do....well, at least I know what I'm dealing with. However, the countdown on the genetic testing begins now since I mailed my blood test out today.

{{blogged from home}}

Friday..........

So, Friday's are supposed to be fun and all that shit. Well, maybe this would be a good day had my "supervisor", for privacy purposes, let's call them WWW (Wicked Witch of the West), not jumped down my throat the moment I walked in the door this morning. No reply to my "Hello", only criticism on how I was dressed. Honestly, not a kind bone in their body. I then spoke to my "real" boss and he said that was ridiculous and that on Monday he was going to say something to WWW since this person's treatment of me of lately has been reprehensible.
I don' t know what I ever did to deserve this.
For instance, had the funeral yesterday of a close family friend. Went to the graveside service, almost an hour north of here, then drove to work as quickly as possible once the service was over. I arrive at work to be grilled as to what time the service was, what took so long, etc. and I literally have to bite my tongue to not say something in return. This is really getting out of hand. As if I made up someone dying just so I wouldn't have to be at work.....come on, this is not high school, although someone ought to tell WWW that since I think they are stuck there and that's just pathetic.
So, if anyone has any suggestions as to the best way to deal with this mess, they would be great appreciated! :)

Aquaman's Lobster....

Dan posted these pics he took today while snorkeling off of the coast in Palm Beach County. As you can see, there are incredible forms of life underneath the world-famous waves that pound our S. Florida coastline.
Which brings me to the importance of keeping the Indian River Lagoon and the St. Lucie River estuaries as clean as possible.......i.e. QUIT DUMPING THE SHIT FROM LAKE OKEECHOBEE into the river. The quality of these paradisical areas is under attack from the South Florida Water Management District. Millions of gallons of water every second are being dumped into the St. Lucie River from the lake and the damage that it is doing will take decades to reverse.
Our waterways, along with everyone else, suffered greatly by being (un)lucky enough to be directly hit by Hurricanes Frances and Jeanne last year. Our reefs are slowly coming back, but to the barrage of the fresh water dumping from Lake Okeechobee. Red algae is now taking over and we are on the brink of another devastating fish kill. For those of you who aren't familiar with the area in which I live, we are a world-famous fishing destination, not to mention a haven for vacationers from all over the U.S. and other countries. So, when our waterways that should remain brackish in nature (meaning part salt and part fresh water) are inundated with fresh water the likes have never been seen in history, the precious balance which supports our local industries like fishing and tourism suffer irreparably. This then trickles down to the locals who make their living and support their families from these industries.
In conclusion, this man-made killing of our natural habitat has got to stop and with local support and the aid of the Indian Riverkeepers and other environmental groups, hopefully this will stop and our reefs and rivers can begin to heal themselves.

Lobster

Lobster

Found this guy at Macarthur state park

A Personal Tribute.....

I just found out that a very close friend of our family, Mr. Weber, passed away in his sleep last night in the hospital. Although he did not suffer in death, I felt a great loss in my life since he played such a quiet yet pivotal role in it.
Mr. Weber was not only our neighbor since 1979, he and his wife would tolerate my visits as a lonely child and let me sit there and eat M&M's to my heart's content while quietly listening to my ramblings.
I grew close to their grandchildren, Ranell and Randy, who would often come to visit from Illinois where Mr. Weber was originally from.
His wife passed away quite a long time ago, although I remember her with as much fondness as though it were only yesterday.
I remember Mr. Weber was an ever-present fixture at our dinner table, bicycling down the road many times a day, working in his yard and waving as you passed by and so many other things.
So, tomorrow, as I stand with his family and friends at his gravesite, I choose not to remember him in death as so many do, but to remember the vitality, life, love, and patience he showed to every person he came in touch with.
You will be missed, Mr. Weber......thank you for making all of our lives just a little better by knowing you.

{{blogged from home}}