Thursday's Child
So, I am anxiously awaiting a call from my dr.'s office as to the results of my alpha-1 deficiency test conducted at the Univ. of Florida. I emailed UF and they kindly let me know that my test is complete and that my dr. was mailed the results on Monday. However, when calling the dr., they haven't received it. But, the great people at UF said they would be happy to fax the results to my dr. and then I could call and receive them.
To say I'm anxious is the understatement of the year. This one test will determine a lot of things and, most importantly, the quality of my life from here on out. I have waited for two long weeks already and don't want to wait until my next appointment which is more than a week away.
So, where am I going with this? Well, first of all, I share a lot of things with my friends, but I keep a lot inside as well....such as my fears about the test results, the diagnosis, the treatment options, and things like that. It's not that I don't want to share them, it's that I have learned that few people understand one's true fears when facing something of this magnitude. Another example of this would be when I had a lump in my breast, yet told no one about it, not even my family because A) it only worries them and B) everyone deals with these things their own way and yet they love to dish out advice to you as to how you should not worry and how everything is always going to be just peachy; you get the idea. Now, don't get the impression that I enjoy or even participate in wallowing in my own misery. Quite the opposite. I simply don't like the unknown because my own imagination as to what the future will bring is ultimately worse than any test diagnosis, so the truth, for me, really does set me free - not to mention allows me to regain my sanity.
Sure, I have challenges on a daily basis just like everyone does. You don't escape this life without the little speed bumps that life throws in your path. However, at 32, I have learned the best way for me to deal with them and would simply like the support and respect of being allowed to let my feelings run their course until I do have a concrete diagnosis. I afford that to my friends and I don't think it's selfish to expect that in return. Now, if I feel that wallowing and self-pity are occurring and it's becoming damaging, I will say something as a friend concerned for another. That's normal and to be expected. However, I have not exhibited any of this behavior, in fact, I think I have taken it pretty well considering the things I do know to this point.
To conclude, I suppose I can see both sides of the coin, however, I'm continuing to live my life to the best of my ability, despite the bigger than normal speed bump that has popped up but there is a lot more to go and more answers to get in order for me to formulate a strategy of dealing with this that works best for me and those around me. So, some breathing room is good (no pun intended) and the support of everyone is even better, however, if you see me wallowing (not worrying, since that comes with the territory, guys!) feel free to kick me in the arse and let me know how you feel, otherwise, just your love and support is the best medicine in the world!
To say I'm anxious is the understatement of the year. This one test will determine a lot of things and, most importantly, the quality of my life from here on out. I have waited for two long weeks already and don't want to wait until my next appointment which is more than a week away.
So, where am I going with this? Well, first of all, I share a lot of things with my friends, but I keep a lot inside as well....such as my fears about the test results, the diagnosis, the treatment options, and things like that. It's not that I don't want to share them, it's that I have learned that few people understand one's true fears when facing something of this magnitude. Another example of this would be when I had a lump in my breast, yet told no one about it, not even my family because A) it only worries them and B) everyone deals with these things their own way and yet they love to dish out advice to you as to how you should not worry and how everything is always going to be just peachy; you get the idea. Now, don't get the impression that I enjoy or even participate in wallowing in my own misery. Quite the opposite. I simply don't like the unknown because my own imagination as to what the future will bring is ultimately worse than any test diagnosis, so the truth, for me, really does set me free - not to mention allows me to regain my sanity.
Sure, I have challenges on a daily basis just like everyone does. You don't escape this life without the little speed bumps that life throws in your path. However, at 32, I have learned the best way for me to deal with them and would simply like the support and respect of being allowed to let my feelings run their course until I do have a concrete diagnosis. I afford that to my friends and I don't think it's selfish to expect that in return. Now, if I feel that wallowing and self-pity are occurring and it's becoming damaging, I will say something as a friend concerned for another. That's normal and to be expected. However, I have not exhibited any of this behavior, in fact, I think I have taken it pretty well considering the things I do know to this point.
To conclude, I suppose I can see both sides of the coin, however, I'm continuing to live my life to the best of my ability, despite the bigger than normal speed bump that has popped up but there is a lot more to go and more answers to get in order for me to formulate a strategy of dealing with this that works best for me and those around me. So, some breathing room is good (no pun intended) and the support of everyone is even better, however, if you see me wallowing (not worrying, since that comes with the territory, guys!) feel free to kick me in the arse and let me know how you feel, otherwise, just your love and support is the best medicine in the world!
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