Danger lurking beneath the surface

Where to begin............not easy. So, I will just dive in and give a tad bit of history so perhaps someone out there can make sense of the events of the past 24 hours.

Work has been particularly horrific of late. I know they have not been happy with the fact that I have had events affecting my personal life, health, etc. that have caused me to be out a couple of days. The diagnosis of COPD, my back problem, the car accident...............all events completely out of my control.

Anyway, I was at my regular monthly doctor appointment for the degenerating disc in my back and I was in the process of speaking to the nurse and my cell phone rang. It was obnoxiously loud so I immediately grabbed it to silence it as well as to see who was calling. It was work. I answered the phone and immediately said, "Could I please call you right back? I am in with the doctor at the moment.". It was my boss and he ignored this request and proceeded to speak and tell me who it was. (As if I didn't know............dur) I said hi and stated that I would be back in the office in probably a half hour. This statement was quickly answered with him (boss/jackass) stating, "Don't bother. We don't need your type working here anymore."!

"Holy shit!", was the only thing that was going around in my head while he kept speaking, informing me that my services were no longer needed and that I no longer had a job to return to. I actually was in such disbelief as to what I was hearing that I turned to the nurse and told her that I was in the process of being fired over the phone! I reminded my boss that I have been sick lately, accident, bla bla bla......trying to reason with him (don't know what I thought that was going to do) and all he could say to me was, "I know, but that doesn't matter."..............then the anger and severity of it set in and I began to cry. I hate it when I cry when I get angry and I lose all ability to communicate effectively. I did, however, manage to ask whether they would contest any unemployment claim filed on my behalf. He said no and said I could pick up my things today. I thanked him (why, I have no idea) and hung up.

I was nearing hysterical status at this point and sobbing in front of the nurse who was just as shocked as I was as to what had just transpired during a phone call that lasted approximately 3 minutes.

I honestly can say that I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me as well as the rug yanked from under my feet. I could not comprehend that this was just the icing on the shit cake that has been my steady diet over the past 4 weeks.

When things like this happen to me, I immediately kick into my crisis mode and start thinking about where to go from this point and how to regain control of my life, which has become nothing resembling a life where one has control, sanity, safety, all of the things you feel when things are going on as usual.

The nurse had to leave me at this point to get my prescriptions signed and to try and get the nurse practitioner in to see me so we could talk about my car accident to see if it has made my back worse, etc. and so I made friends with the box of one-ply tissues and continued to try and regain composure.

And that brings me to where I am now.........unemployed and still in shock, however, trying to pick myself up and dust myself off.

I have been complaining about the status of my job for quite a while now since I made less than I should have been making considering my regular responsibilities and the new ones that have popped up since I started working there. Also, there were no benefits whatsoever so I have gone without insurance for a long time and that has been a financial disaster for me, considering I have a few things wrong w/me that require regular medication and it ain't cheap! I've become a penny-pinching senior citizen by calling every pharmacy and pricing my prescriptions before purchasing them so I can get the lowest price. For instance, for only two (generic) rx's, I spent over $150 yesterday! It's ridiculous.

But, I digress........

Current game plan is to take the remainder of the week and get back on my feet emotionally and mentally. Then, it's time to hit the pavement, the internet, call everyone I know and try to find out what's out there for me and get right back in the game.

So, that's life. Really bites right now, but, as they say, you are never given more than you can handle........however, on some level, I beg to differ! Enough is enough! Give me just a little bit of a break, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

Anyhoo, this is probably the most long-winded entry to date and it's not even something that even merits a spot on my humble little blog site! More later...........didn't sleep much at all last night and I'm completely exhausted but don't want to get on some weird sleep schedule only to have to go back to the normal one once I'm employed again. I'll post more later, until then, thanks to everyone I have talked to, IM'd, emailed, etc. and for your positive thoughts. You have all helped me keep my chin up and to know that this isn't the end of the road, just a small speedbump along the way.