I have come to the conclusion that in lieu of dealing with my illness (COPD), I will take up binge drinking (again, since that's what we did in college, right?). I figure I should add "liver failure" to my ever-growing list of ailments! What the hell? Carpe diem! (More like Carpe Drinkem'!).
Boy the sarcasm is as thick as the humidity today!
Still reeling from the news I received last Friday from the dr. I have tried to be as calm as possible about this pending what my dr. wants to do for treatment and have also researched the hell out of this thing I have. Some of it scares me and some of the information reassures me. The only thing I am absolutely sure of is that my life has completely changed since the news and will never go back to what it was before the words came out of the dr's mouth.
All the research I have read says that I can't have children.....that's a little sobering as well. Yep, the happy news just keeps pilin' on! Can't hardly keep the excitement in!
Paul has been wonderful. He hasn't left me alone since we found out and that has made me feel SO much better. I know this news isn't easy for anyone, especially my family and friends. But, knowing that I have the love and support from everyone is helping although I'm still awaiting test results that will determine what direction my treatment options of this thing will be.
And, I found out that I can't take a vacation in Sept. as I had planned. Oh well......I had gotten my hopes up on that one so it's my fault that I am disappointed. I should have known better! I will have to wait until the end of March next year. I can take the time off unpaid, but don't think that is a good idea since I have no clue as to what I will have to do with treatment of this. I wish I had a more concrete idea as to that since not knowing is worse for me than actually having the facts in front of me. I say this all the time, but my imagination is far worse than any reality could be. My mind spins out of control and I keep doing the "what if" dance inside of my head.
Enough of talking about that crap. I think about it all the time, certainly need to focus on something else in my blogs and be a little more positive! Will brainstorm on that idea and finish a few things clogging my desk up.........will continue later! Any ideas as to how I can keep my head above water during this trying time would be great!
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Congratulations to the crew of Discovery on a successful launch! It was truly a thing to see in the warm Florida morning sky as I stood in my front yard to watch the plumes of flame carry the orbiter to it's place in the sky. I didn't realize what a wonderful thing it was to be able to witness every lauch from Cape Canaveral being I live only two counties south of there. However, when I didn't live here and then moved back, I realized how lucky I have been to live where I do. I have seen strikingly beautiful night launches to the horrible Challenger explosion when I was in the 7th grade. All of it happens right here in my backyard.
Cool, huh??
(Photo courtesy of FOXNews.com)
Don' t you wonder what the hell is happening to our environment? Now, I'm no tree-huggin', armpit-hair-growin', granola-eatin' hippie here, however, there seems to me to be a bit of a vortex in the atmosphere above this little planet of ours! Here in FL, we are now receiving the remains of a sandstorm FROM AFRICA! For the love of all that is holy, doesn't anyone out there think this is ODD? Jeepers! "Stay inside, those of you with breathing problems may feel the effects of the sandstorm.....", and on and on they go on the news as if they are simply reporting on an accident tying up the on-ramp at Palm Beach Lakes Blvd. to northbound I95. Everyone just sits around calmly watching as earthquakes continue to occur on an almost daily basis in the Pacific Rim including the areas around Thailand and Indonesia that were decimated by the tsunami last year. The heat wave that is currently paralyzing the heartland of our country is completely out of character. People are actually dying because they have no air conditioning and are unfamiliar with heat like this. Here in FL, to us it's just another dog day of summer, but to those up north who are NOT used to heat indices above 115 degrees Fareinheit, this is a crisis of monumental proportions. The seas are rising....which to us Floridians means that in a few decades, that waterfront property we invested in will now be worth ABSOLUTELY NOTHING since it will be completely covered with water. We already have an abundance of water....so much so that we don't know what to do with it so we are dumping it back into the ocean (which is an entirely different rant....see archived blogs!).
Anyway, I am not so idealistic that I think that my little missive on the current weather crisis will have anything to do with anything. It may never be read by anyone other than me! But, at least I feel better having written it down, in the event that someone does stumble upon my little blog site and happens to feel compelled to read this entry and maybe, just maybe, would actually comment on something I wrote.....even if they disagree! At least I would have gotten one person to think about it.
Monday's aren't all that bad, in my humble opinion! Sometimes it's the little things that can put a smile on your face that will last all day! That is what my morning has been like thus far! Life is good!
Told my bosses about my diagnoses and my immediate supervisor was so great about it. Offered to talk to one of our underwriters about it and get me as much information on it as I can get! That is SO appreciated on this end. Why can't everyone be like that?
I'm going to take a week of vacation in September when Paul is off from this quarter in school. Even though we can't really go anywhere because of his work (and he will still be working), just being able to be available for us to spend as much time together as possible, even if we stay right here in the armpit of the Treasure Coast, is fine with me. I look forward to the future when we can go places together and see the world with one another, but for the time being, it's a vacation just being able to spend large chunks of time with one another! I'm not picky and I am infinitely happy with the time we do have with one another.
I should be working but I'm not so I think I will attempt to do something that appears as though I'm as busy as a beaver!
Will most likely post more later!
So, yesterday I had a dr. appt. which was a direct result of having bronchitis last week. I've had asthma since I was a kid so to say I'm used to bronchitis, ER's, etc. is an understatement! But, no one had ever taken the second step and referred me to a specialist! DUR!!
Anyway, so I go to the pulmonologist yesterday. My mom was kind enough to accompany me since I have no insurance to pay for this kind of thing (thanks, work!) and the agreement was that if I go, she will pay. An agreement I was not going to pass up.
After about two hours, many tests, being stuck like a voodoo doll, the dr. comes in and says that not only do I have asthma but I have COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease)! (said very matter-of-factly as if he was mentioning that he wanted pizza for lunch!). I said basically nothing, but inside I'm thinking this is some disease that old people who smoke two packs a day and work in asbestos-filled buildings develop, certainly not a 32 year old woman! Then, the kicker, I'm to go home, prick my finger and fill out this blood test where I get to find out (and the winner is....) if I have a rare form of EMPHYSEMA that is genetic in nature! Well, let's just hurry home and get right to it! I can hardly wait for the results!
Well, being that I'm adopted, I have no clue as to what my medical history is. Back in the old days when I was adopted, the child did not come with this vital information and in order for me to get my paws on it, I would have to petiton the court to unseal my adoption records, etc. and then, there is no guarantee that I will get this information I am finding is incredibly important!
Needless to say, my mind is reeling at this point. But, what is a girl to do? So, I put the link to the American Lung Association onto this site because all of a sudden, it's become a very real entity to me. Not just something you see on television or you hear when they mention the Great American Smokeout, etc. This is now a resource that will most likely be invaluable, not only to me, but to my family who is having a little harder time digesting this new information.
So, I get to be hooked up to my new best friend, my nebulizer, FOUR TIMES DAILY! This should be interesting at work since I'm a very private person and don't intend to be sitting at my desk breathing in my medication so I can at least walk to my car when work is out without having my chest hurt and feel like I'm going to die from oxygen deficiency!
Well, that's the long and short-breathedness of it. Now you know. Don't you feel better? I certainly do....well, at least I know what I'm dealing with. However, the countdown on the genetic testing begins now since I mailed my blood test out today.
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So, Friday's are supposed to be fun and all that shit. Well, maybe this would be a good day had my "supervisor", for privacy purposes, let's call them WWW (Wicked Witch of the West), not jumped down my throat the moment I walked in the door this morning. No reply to my "Hello", only criticism on how I was dressed. Honestly, not a kind bone in their body. I then spoke to my "real" boss and he said that was ridiculous and that on Monday he was going to say something to WWW since this person's treatment of me of lately has been reprehensible.
I don' t know what I ever did to deserve this.
For instance, had the funeral yesterday of a close family friend. Went to the graveside service, almost an hour north of here, then drove to work as quickly as possible once the service was over. I arrive at work to be grilled as to what time the service was, what took so long, etc. and I literally have to bite my tongue to not say something in return. This is really getting out of hand. As if I made up someone dying just so I wouldn't have to be at work.....come on, this is not high school, although someone ought to tell WWW that since I think they are stuck there and that's just pathetic.
So, if anyone has any suggestions as to the best way to deal with this mess, they would be great appreciated! :)
Dan posted these pics he took today while snorkeling off of the coast in Palm Beach County. As you can see, there are incredible forms of life underneath the world-famous waves that pound our S. Florida coastline.
Which brings me to the importance of keeping the Indian River Lagoon and the St. Lucie River estuaries as clean as possible.......i.e. QUIT DUMPING THE SHIT FROM LAKE OKEECHOBEE into the river. The quality of these paradisical areas is under attack from the South Florida Water Management District. Millions of gallons of water every second are being dumped into the St. Lucie River from the lake and the damage that it is doing will take decades to reverse.
Our waterways, along with everyone else, suffered greatly by being (un)lucky enough to be directly hit by Hurricanes Frances and Jeanne last year. Our reefs are slowly coming back, but to the barrage of the fresh water dumping from Lake Okeechobee. Red algae is now taking over and we are on the brink of another devastating fish kill. For those of you who aren't familiar with the area in which I live, we are a world-famous fishing destination, not to mention a haven for vacationers from all over the U.S. and other countries. So, when our waterways that should remain brackish in nature (meaning part salt and part fresh water) are inundated with fresh water the likes have never been seen in history, the precious balance which supports our local industries like fishing and tourism suffer irreparably. This then trickles down to the locals who make their living and support their families from these industries.
In conclusion, this man-made killing of our natural habitat has got to stop and with local support and the aid of the Indian Riverkeepers and other environmental groups, hopefully this will stop and our reefs and rivers can begin to heal themselves.
I just found out that a very close friend of our family, Mr. Weber, passed away in his sleep last night in the hospital. Although he did not suffer in death, I felt a great loss in my life since he played such a quiet yet pivotal role in it.
Mr. Weber was not only our neighbor since 1979, he and his wife would tolerate my visits as a lonely child and let me sit there and eat M&M's to my heart's content while quietly listening to my ramblings.
I grew close to their grandchildren, Ranell and Randy, who would often come to visit from Illinois where Mr. Weber was originally from.
His wife passed away quite a long time ago, although I remember her with as much fondness as though it were only yesterday.
I remember Mr. Weber was an ever-present fixture at our dinner table, bicycling down the road many times a day, working in his yard and waving as you passed by and so many other things.
So, tomorrow, as I stand with his family and friends at his gravesite, I choose not to remember him in death as so many do, but to remember the vitality, life, love, and patience he showed to every person he came in touch with.
You will be missed, Mr. Weber......thank you for making all of our lives just a little better by knowing you.
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This would be the speed at which today is virtually flying by (sarcasm). Until I get some type of following, I will insert that so you will know when I'm being silly!
Although, it's almost 2 and I have not had lunch yet which I'm sure is not sitting well with my superiors....hey, should I just stop my work completely and just leave for lunch despite the fact a client is sitting in the conference room? What a quandry.....
http://www.attackchi.org.au/kits.htm
Now I have seen everything! Honestly, a poodle kit for your Dobie? If someone has that much free money and time in order to actually complete this process needs something of a more productive hobby in my humble opinion!
Last night was dinner with Paul's parents, Frank and Joyce! I love them! I had such a great time not to mention a wonderful meal! I can see where Paul gets his sense of humor and love of life! Can't wait to see them again!
OK, back to work it is for me.....as well as attempting to try and get all the stuff from my old site on yahoo onto here and it's not easy, but in the end it will look INFINITELY better.
((blogged from work))
After 15 years, I finally did it...
I have always wanted a tatoo. The problem was that I could not decide on one design long enough or with enough zeal to decide to permanently put it on my body! So, I continued to look and think and look and.....you get the idea.
Well, looking through a book of Mucha's artwork (turn of century art-nouveau illustrator) I happened upon a page of some illustrations he did for practice. Within that page, there was one thing that stood out among all of the other fantastic artwork.....a design that I immediately knew was what I wanted as my tatoo. It's often referred to as as "oubolos" or something of the like and it has historical references to the beginnings of time. Every civilization has had one form or another of it and its meaning is one of a timeless nature. It means eternity, kind of a yin and yang thing, a lot of meanings! And I know I spelled the name of it wrong.....have to check w/Paul since he's the expert on it!
So, I posted it here so all can see the top of my butt! I also hope my mom isn't reading my blogs! Well, honestly, I'm 32 and what's she going to say....take it off? It's here for all of you who were dying to see what it looked like since those who know me know I'm kind of picky about this stuff! Enjoy!
{{blogged @ work}}
